Years ago, a co-worker called me up to deliver bad news. I tried my best to handle it well, but my colleague could tell I was none too pleased. It was then that this person said, “You’re such a nice guy.” I was so surprised that I couldn’t even think of a response. The compliment was from out of the blue, it was seemingly unrelated to the topic, and it was rather vague. It appeared to be only done to appease me.
Looking back, I realize now that a compliment can be given incorrectly. When you do offer flattery wrongly, you leave your intended recipient feeling suspicious. As trainers, sharing positive feedback is a staple of our jobs. Based on this experience, I’ve thought up a few guidelines for offering a compliment.
- A compliment should be specific. If you can relate your flattery to a specific action taken by the person, you will lend it more credence.
- A compliment should be relevant to the conversation. Your positive observation about a person should relate to what’s being discussed at the time.
- A compliment should be objective. This means that you’re sharing your observations with as little bias as possible. Avoid overdoing it with words such as, “perfect,” “amazing,” “incredible,” etc.
If I could apply these guidelines to the story at the beginning of my post, my colleague’s compliment probably would have been better. It could have gone something like this: “Thanks for taking this news so well. Not everyone I’ve dealt with handled it like you did. It just shows how professional you are.” This compliment is specific, relevant, and objective. It might not have calmed me down as much as my colleague would have hoped, but it would have done more good than harm.
What are your thoughts about compliment giving? I’d love to hear your experiences and point of view.
Alan
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Ah yes, the art of complimenting….
My challenge with compliments is when I want to offer a positive remark before sharing constructive criticism. For example, when editing some written work, I seek to highlight the strengths of the work before digging into some recommended changes. It is a challenge to not sound patronizing or insincere, even if the feedback is genuine.
In the same breath, I find that positive feedback generates confidence and mutual trust. In the work environment it seems that pointing out strengths is too often neglected in the pursuit of being recognized for one’s personal contributions or in the pursuit of getting things done.
Just a thought… Suzanne