There are those who come to training with perfect manners and interest and are anxious to share and learn. Then there are those who come to training because they are forced to. They don’t bring the same level of involvement and may even show they are disgruntled or disconnected. And then there are those few (thank goodness!) individuals who come to training with the attitude that they – due to their position, experience, expertise, or years in the industry – deserve more attention than anyone else. They may even try to control the agenda of a session just to benefit themselves, showing a huge lack of concern or respect for anyone else who is at that session.
I had two such individuals in one of our advanced courses a few years ago. These two participants came on their own, did not know each other, yet – interestingly enough – gravitated to each other from the very beginning. They did not share with anyone but each other (especially once they realized they shared the same energy). Over the period of 3 days, these two participants became the worse clients I have EVER had to deal with in my years with Langevin. (And just a minor note about our clients – they are all training professionals and are expected, you would assume, to be more conscientious about their learning surroundings than someone who has never worked in our industry.)
From the very first hour on day one, these two individuals spoke and conducted themselves with arrogance. They constantly made faces or verbal comments about how “elementary” the contributions of the other participants were, somehow believing that this made them look more advanced than the rest of the group. They constantly interrupted other people, including me, made negative comments about the course content or items on the agenda, and persisted in their efforts to convince me to customize the agenda to fit their personal schedules. I attempted to explain to them that the extent of customization that they wanted was not possible in a public workshop, however, this did not seem to matter to them.
When lunch time came around on Day 1 – aware that I really had no desire to put up with their behaviors for three days, and having already had personal interventions with each of them to encourage an improvement in their behaviors – I spoke to them before they left for lunch. I explained that if this course was not meeting their expectations they should not feel bad about leaving, as Langevin has a 100% satisfaction guarantee and that they would not lose their money. Unfortunately, they did not take the bait and they both returned after lunch. During the remaining two and a half days, their behaviors deteriorated to such a degree that at one point they were left sitting alone at one table while the other participants sat noticeably away from them.
I gave a great deal of thought to how I wanted to deal with these participants. After careful consideration, I decided to focus on the other participants who were there to learn and share, and who were appreciative of what the course and I had to offer them. Those clients had a fantastic learning experience because we decided not to buy into the drama and negative energy of the two negative participants.
When the time came to collect evaluations for the course, I was glad to see that the participants who were engaged and working together rated both the course and me very well and made some fantastic comments about their experience, even mentioning my attempts to satisfy the needs of very “self centered” (as they expressed) attendees. It was interesting to notice that after they turned in their evaluations and collected their certificates they all left rather rapidly as if they sensed I was going to have some serious words with the two offenders. Once the other participants left the room, I approached my two rude and difficult participants. They proceeded to tell me the course did not meet their needs and how it really should not be considered an “advanced” course. They went on to provide some more negative feedback which had no merit at all. Then they left.
I managed to put that negative experience out of my mind until two weeks later. I was teaching a different course, in a different city, when I noticed that one of the participants who would be attending the course worked at the same company as one of the previous negative participants. I braced myself for the worst, but this time I had a plan on how to deal with the negative behaviors should the new participant display any. So, you can imagine my surprise when on Day 1 of the course, this participant came to apologize and explain she would have to step out of class for an hour that day because she had a mandatory conference call she had to attend at 10:30 AM. This conference call was organized and scheduled by her team leader, who just happened to be one of the two offenders from the advanced course! He wanted to share with his team some BEST PRACTICES HE HAD PICKED UP at a course he attended, two weeks earlier!
See? There is hope even for those who are blatantly negative about their training experience! They may come to realize it was more beneficial to them than they may be willing to share with us – and, in most cases, we may never find out that we actually positively impacted the most unlikely person.
Why some people have the need to be negative and display less-than-desirable behavior in the class is completely beyond my comprehension. A few weeks after this experience, a friend recommended a fantastic little book that was just what I needed at the time. The book recommends that to live a happier life we should consider applying the following four things to our lives:
- Be impeccable with what we say
- Never assume anything
- Take nothing personally
- Do our best at all times
As a facilitator, I have found that this is some of the best advice I can use when I encounter rough times and negative behaviors.
José
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Excellent post! What is the title of the “fantastic little book”?
Phil,
The name of the book is “The Four Agreements” and the author is Don Miguel Ruiz. It is a book about Toltec Wisdom and their way of life. I simply find that SO MUCH of our day to day life as people (and professionally as trainers) is impacted by how we apply those four guidelines. Let me know how you like the book and if you’d like me to recommend others.
Jose
Great blog and learned alot.
Although most learners are not difficult, you will occasionally run into a discouraged one or two who drive you crazy — whether you are in a classroom environment, a one-on-one situation, or even online.
The most important thing to keep in mind as you work with difficult learners is to always go with their style. Don’t fight the behavior that you don’t like, because you will only intensify it. A good rule of thumb — if you don’t know what to do, do the unexpected.
These procrastinators sometimes called “Avoiders” are learners whose motto is, “It is sweet to do nothing.” Comfort is what gives them a feeling of belonging. These discouraged learners believe in the long run, nothing good will happen anyway, so I might as well take the easy way. Stress is to be avoided at all costs. It will be difficult to get them to do required work because they don’t want to take responsibility for their education. In classes, they might try to manipulate, charm, procrastinate and flatter the instructor in order to avoid learning or doing. They will claim to be bored — which really means they want you to entertain them. If the course involves a task performance, look for them to try to extend the length of the assignment and get you to do the task for them instead of doing it themselves.
Here are some suggestions I would like to make based on my own educational learning background and studies:
1. Show acceptance by emphasizing a shared responsibility in the learning process, a relationship based on equality, and by assuring them that you will go at their pace.
2.Empathize by showing you understand the strain they’re under.
3. Express confidence in their ability to master the task. Let them know they can do it.
4. Since their strengths include good social skills and excelling at putting people at ease, have them help other learners do things. And since Avoiders are good at taking the easiest course, encourage them to find easier, simpler ways to do something.
5. Every time they do no matter how small, appreciate the effort. Never tell them they can or should do more.
6. When giving feedback express appreciation for what they do and avoid feedback which inspires dependence on you.
Great ideas and recommendations, Denise. Thank you for sharing it with me and our readers. JR